Literacy is Complicated

With her advanced age working against her, MC remembers only vaguely the days before Cranky #1 could read. Now that she's mastered literacy, the task is to persuade her to put down the book in order to bathe, dress, or eat. When C1 seemed dangerously late arriving home from school last week, she was discovered reading on the front porch. Clearly, MC is going to have that GPS chip implanted in children who can't turn their phones on.

With Cranky #2, however, literacy is bright and new. How thrilling to listen to C1 spell out b-l-a-c-k, and know what she doesn't want you to know! Literacy, however, means that the days of abbreviating, skimming, or bowdlerizing bedtime stories are over. Try to shorten a tedious Magic Bus yawner, and you'll get, "Where does it say that?" And then MC is so busted.

Most recently, C2 has revved up her Disney Chinese Princess-wanna-be fetish to explore The Middle Kingdom. MC thinks this latest trip to the library is timely and perhaps even prescient; since the Chinese appear to be holding the entire planet's debt, the Crankies ought to show a little interest. C2's books on Chinese history, however, are not for the kindergarten set, even if they did come from the children's shelves. MC was with these educational books as far as the Shang king's burial, with its accompanying ritual slaughter. The things some people will do to get their property declared a UNESCO World Heritage site. Turn some pages and the Huns arrive; MC started skimming at the Mongol conquest of A.D. 1215, where Zhongdu takes it on the chin.

MC drew the line, however, at the fall of the Ming in 1644, with its accompanying picture of a sweet girl being restrained by brutish louts. We'll just skip that one, thought MC. C2 mightily resisted this censoring. This young woman might be a princess--she might even be Mulan! When C2 pointed at the picture and repeated her request, MC attempted evasion: "The emperor's daughter didn't want to leave the city, so the emperor took her by the arm," she said authoritatively. Jeez, it fits with the picture. "That doesn't start with the," protested C2. She then started to sound out emperor's complicated name. Alright, let's try this one, "When the rebel army came, they captured the girl." "But girl starts with g," said C2, "guh-irl." OK, ok, ok. "When Chongzhen's daughter refuses to end her life, the furious emperor orders her arm to be cut off." There. MC read it. The Crankies spent the next five minutes talking about why people would be so mean. Then they finished up by looking at pictures of Pu Yi being evicted from the Forbidden City in 1924.
Perhaps there are countries that have more violent histories than China, but there are few that have longer ones. With a working knowledge of phonics, silent-e, and what two vowels do when they go out walking, the Crankies took a spin through some major Asian carnage. Thanks for all the fun, Disney. Since we're reading and all, maybe we could move on to our other favorite animated princess, Pocahontas, and see how it works out for those Powhatan folks.
--MC