Roundup

The school year is drawing to a close, and Meta Cranky has proof. She visited the Kindergarten Roundup for the '10-'11 crop of small people and recognizes that Cranky #2 soon will be displaced by someone younger and cuter. At Kinder Roundup, MC watched impossibly young parents copying wee children's passports and presenting a very great number of immunization forms from California. The Crankies' school is, apparently, very popular with people born in California five years ago. The school professionals inspired friendly confidence in anxious parental units; no child is, as of yet, being left behind.

Meta Cranky felt a twinge as she watched these parents sitting in uncomfortable folding chairs. They're still thinking it's about their children, she observed. From her eight years of elementary mommy experience, MC can report: yes, but. If MC ran the public school system, there would be an open bar at Kindergarten Roundup and the principal would share the following info:

Moms and dads. Look around the room. You will be seeing one another quite a bit for the next little while. Unless you come across with $15K/year for private school, win the lottery at the Ann Richards leadership academy (girls only!), bail early to go to a middle school magnet program, or the economy recovers and you get your old job back in California, you will know these faces in exquisite detail by the end of 2017. That's seven years. About a hundred birthday parties. Want to do girl scouts/boys scouts? That's 2 meetings/month X 9 months X 7 years. Not counting campouts. Do the math. Now guestimate how many hours you could share with these people doing playground duty, Spring Fling silent auction, or Carnival food booths. I think you see where I'm going here.

Some of these people will be within your comfort zone for friendliness/snarkiness/perkiness/ sincerity/absent-mindedness. Some of them will not. You will do yourselves an enormous favor if you can, at your earliest convenience, recognize your tolerance for these qualities and migrate toward your tribe. Some of these people will laugh at your jokes. Others will ask you, sincerely, if you think the principal can get the janitor to address his butt crack issue.

MC once sold baked goods for an entire evening with two other Veteran Mommies. During their Carnival stint, they were confronted by New Mommy, who had a serious problem with a confetti egg that had been broken inside the building. "I'll clean it up," offered MC. "The children should know not to bring them in the building!" steamed New Mommy. "Maybe you should put up a sign if that's the policy," suggested MC, helpfully, "Besides, I'll clean it up." "The janitors will be SO angry," New Mommy tossed over her shoulder as she stomped off. Veteran Mommies looked at each other thoughtfully. Then one VM offered kindly, "She's a Kindergarten Mom. When she's a Fifth Grade Mom, she'll know." The other VM observed: "We will crush her."

Some kindergarteners are heartbreakingly sweet. Others will be sent to the principal's office after they squeeze the hamster. You will learn to tell the difference. Similarly, you will learn that you can have a grand time slinging lasagna in the school cafeteria if only you get the right shift.

In summary, Kinder parents: Be smart. Use the buddy system. Be kind to one another. Or it will be a very long seven years.
--MC